“My name is earl is a television show and not reality”. Just thought I’d point that out to Sharon Stone who this week claimed that the Chinese earthquake that killed 80,000 people was Karma, settling the score because of Chinas human rights record in Tibet.

Apparently stone has an IQ of 154 - I imagine the figure of 154  was plucked out of the air between her ears, since surely no one with such a sharp brain would be so flippant as to attach a world wide disaster to a flaky belief like karma. I mean, even if she truly believes in Karma, can she not see how offensive it is to tell a family that they in some way deserved to lose their children.

I remember when an English football manager once said a similar thing about disabled children, claiming that they probably were evil in former lives and so their birth defects and disabilities were punishments.

Its one thing to have an opinion... its quite another to allow unfounded theories to be flaunted as a lesson to others.

Since Sharon so famously opened her legs in "Basic Instinct” perhaps Karma will be so kind as to shut her mouth.

As I mentioned before I went to Newquay this weekend on a stag party and had a great time. As I suspected Newquay was a wash with other stag parties. In one place I looked round and of the 800 or so people in the club I only counted 10 or so women which meant the testosterone levels were through the roof. Bless those poor 10 women, they were being hassled like Diana by a group of daily mail readers.

My mum and dad celebrated their honeymoon in Newquay some 30 years ago... I'd suggest that the days when Newquay was a romantic town are well and truly gone, all the loved up young couples and family's on seaside holiday have been replaced by legions of stag parties determined to drink themselves into oblivion.... you gotta love Newquay.

It’s the weekend; it’s the weekend in the city! I have that lyric running through my head at the moment, it’s from a band called Millers Hag the band are good but the addition of the word city annoys me... lyrics that annoy me are the ones that easily stick in my head.

For example in the killers song “Smile like you mean it” there’s a lyric that says..."from the back of the restaurant"... I hate this lyric… a bit like an uncle at his nieces 18th birthday, it shouldn't be there and its trying way to hard to be cool.

I digress, the reason I’ve really got the weekend in my head is we’re going to Newquay on a stag weekend. I'm looking forward to it from a, seeing friends I haven't seen in a long time... I’m not looking forward to it in a, I hope we don't end up looking like a bunch of overweight, under mannered singing, dancing ,chanting, ranting, shouting, running, jumping, puking, spitting, leering, people repellents.

In Northampton where I live, if you go to Bridge Street on a Saturday night you'll see hundreds of groups of men and women releasing the inhabitation's they have spent a life time repressing, all over the road in the form of drink promotion induced vomit.

I just hope that it’s not me that ends up on my knees shouting at passers by …”I’m not drunk, it’s just I ate a dodgy roll earlier”

Go to www.google.com

Type in: find Chuck Norris

Then click the I’m feeling lucky button

Actually, if you didn't already notice this is just a very clever trick and has nothing to do with Google, it's just that this page below is the top result for 'Find chuck Norris':

 http://clients.arranschlosberg.com/chuck/

I don't like Chinese or Indian takeaways, the only takeaway I can stomach is Pizza. Since the last time I ordered a pizza was back when I was at University I thought that it was about time I 'got me some carbs'. I had a Pizza Hut Cheesy bites meat feast, Crunch chicken and Potato wedges... It was rank. The pizza was ok but the side orders were horrid. Completely devoid of flavor , I was half wondering if it really was chicken or some limp greasy Soya based rubbish.

After eating it I felt dirty, the kind of dirty scrubbing can't wash. I vowed never again to order from Pizza Hut.

It got me thinking what's the worst takeaway you can get? So I turned to Google: An American chain "Outback Steakhouse" sells a dish called Cheesy Fries. 1 single portion (and bear in mind this is a side order) contains 2900 calories!

FAT BUGGERS!

Note to self.. Check the eye drop bottle before applying. Three otex ear drops in the eye stings like hell.

Other than trying to remove the wax from my eyeballs today I decided to find a recipe to make ribs. Ribs are tough to come across these days. Years ago my mum used to go to the butchers and ask for the waste ribs (This was way before ribs were marketed as spare-ribs). I remember the ribs had almost zero meat on them so I'd always call them bones. Apparently that really embarrassed mum when I'd ask, in front of my teacher, if we were having bones for dinner; I suspect our teacher was one digit away from dialling social services.

You wouldn't believe how hard it has come to find some ribs which aren't in some marinade. Waitrose's meat counter was closed, ASDA don't have a butchers anymore (tramps) and Morrisons butcher seemed offended that I'd asked for "the waste meat" he pointed toward the back of the shop and exclaimed "over their" -  By the way that "their" was not a grammatical mistake, he was the exact sort of person that doesn't understand the difference between there and Their. I felt like reminding him about the numerous exams he must have failed to end up working at a fake butchers (they probably don't even have to cut the meat up) anyway I got the ribs and began the hunt for a recipe.

The things some people call a recipe are shocking, www.cooks.com have the following listed as a recipe:

1 pkg. 15-minute meat marinade
2/3 c. cold water
4 lb. pork spare ribs

How bad a cook do you have to be to need this sort of recipe? Surely this is more directions as apposed to a recipe, I wonder if someone somewhere is thinking: Ok I've got ribs, Water and 15 minute marinade...if only I had a recipe to turn this into a meal.

I wonder what the shortest recipe in the world is, may I offer up:

Cheese Crunch Suprise

• 1 Pkt Of Wotsits (Cheetoes if your American)
• 2 Slice of bread

If you beat it let me know in the comments.

Hi I'm Martin. I've just put this new blog live and I'm currently tinkering with it. Please forgive me if anything breaks :)